Coverage: The Room

The movie's tagline asks: "Can you really trust anyone?" The only question you'll be asking yourself is "Should I have trusted the person who told me to watch this movie?"

Persistent Entertainment

SCRIPT COVERAGE

TITLE:  The Room	SETTING: San Francisco
AUTHOR:  Tommy Wiseau	PERIOD:  Present Day
PRODUCER:  Tommy Wiseau	ELEMENTS ATTACHED:
SUBMITTED BY:	SUBMITTED TO:
READ BY:  Darin Simokov	GENRE:  Drama
COVERAGE DATE:	SUBMISSION DATE:

	EXCELLENT	VERY GOOD	GOOD	SO-SO	NOT GOOD
PLOT					X
CHARACTERS					X
DIALOGUE					X
STRUCTURE					X
COMMERCIAL APPEAL			X

RECOMMEND:

CONSIDER:  X

PASS:

LOG LINE:  A San Francisco banker lives happily with his fiancée, who, unbeknownst to him, is cheating on him with his best friend.

SUMMARY: Johnny got engaged with Lisa an indeterminate time since the start of the movie’s plot. They’ve been living happily, with the occasional unexplained appearance of Denny, whom Johnny is his father figure (he’s even paying for Denny’s apartment and education). After suddenly deciding she no longer loves Johnny, Lisa seduces his best friend, Mark. Mark is initially shocked at the idea, but quickly falls victim to Lisa’s seductiveness. The newly-made lovers attempt to hide their infidelity from Johnny, while trying to keep their friendships together.

COMMENTS:  This movie is almost as confusing as the origins of its director, let’s not even get to where the money spent on this movie came from. After experiencing The Room, I feel convinced that the writer (who is also the director, producer, and the actor of the main character) is actually an alien who has an unrealistically loose grasp of human behavior.

The author of this script is incapable of writing characters with consistent personalities and rigid motives. Take Lisa for example. Early in the movie, Lisa decides she’s fallen out of love with protagonist Johnny. She doesn’t even care for his well being. Yet, when confronted by her mother Claudette about Johnny, Lisa defends him, talking about how he took Denny under his wing, both paternally and financially. Yet, she gets Johnny drunk so she can claim he hit her in a drunken fit (“I did not hit her! It’s not true, it’s bullshit! I did not hit her, I did not. Oh, hi, Mark!”). This is the same girl who, near the end, falsely announces her pregnancy to “make it interesting.” After being asked to confront Johnny, she said, “I don’t want to ruin his birthday!” For someone who’s so hell-bent on driving her future husband to suicide, she doesn’t do a very good job of it (despite the fact that she succeeds).

The other characters aren’t much better. Mark is Johnny’s best friend, but even after repeatedly telling Lisa he doesn’t want to contribute to her infidelity, he just can’t resist. Apparently nobody else can, either. Most of the male characters make some sort of reference to her beauty. One background character quips “Lisa looks hot tonight” to his lady near the movie’s resolution, while 18-year-old Denny confesses his love of Lisa to Johnny. While I’ve heard of making a character have a crush on a woman to establish that she’s beautiful, this is overkill. Everyone I’ve showed The Room to would venture as far to say she’s not attractive at all. And Johnny? Johnny is something else. The character sounds like a mentally handicapped Christopher Walken whose acting ability knows too many limits. When talking to his psychologist friend, he told him, “you always play psychologist with me,” not realizing his profession. This is the same The Room, it’s obvious that every character has little to no development, no journey, and little motivations for their actions.

The plot and the structure are completely incoherent. While there is a main plot, much of the script is devoted to scenes and sub-plots that have little to no connection to the film as a whole. For instance, Denny is intercepted by a drug dealer who threatens him with a gun. After the assailant is apprehended, we discover that Denny has purchased drugs. What exactly are these drugs? Does Denny use them? How is it affecting him? We never find out, because the scene ends a few minutes later, and there are no references to the events in it at all in the rest of the movie. Another example? How about Claudette casually telling her daughter “I definitely have breast cancer?” Not only does Lisa remain stoic and unaffected, neither does Claudette! Needless to say, it’s never brought up again, and we never find out anything else about Claudette’s breast cancer.

The dialog, also written by Wiseau, lacks substance. Every time a character is asked why they’re withholding information, they give some form of “it’s an awkward situation.” Wiseau fails to channel his inner James Dean while declaring that Lisa is tearing him apart. When Denny asks him what movie they’re going to watch he replies, “Denny, don’t plan too much. It might not come out right!” Whatever sense that makes, I haven’t found it yet. Maybe I can find it alongside Tommy Wiseau’s acting ability.

Objectively speaking, The Room is one of the worst films I’ve ever seen. But, for some reason, it’s enjoyable—almost impossibly so. How could a movie this bad be so good? If you’re analyzing the movie critically, you’ll be rushing to swallow as many apple seeds as quickly as possible. However, when you let all of that go, and revel in the absurdity of the movie, it encapsulates you. Suddenly, it’s hilarious that all of the framed pictures in the film feature cutlery. In an instant, you giggle as you wonder what could possibly drive Claudette to deliver her grave news in such a nonchalant manner. You cringe at how awkward it would be for any actor to read the movie’s script. The world’s worst movie transforms into a magnificent mockery. Bob Ross liked to call mistakes "happy little accidents," but The Room is no mistake. The Room is real. Everything about it is intentional. The Room... is the worst kind of masterpiece. Consider with caution.

Pictured: Wiseau attempting to comfort unfortunate spectators of the cinematic disaster that is The Room